I began writing in my journal about how I’ve been feeling lately and I though, “I should just write a blog post about this.”
The weather this winter has been much colder and snowier than I am used to for sure. I always tend to hate winters, but this year was just awful and the transition to spring has certainly been turbulent. Every few days the temperature spikes between warm and freezing. As soon as I get comfortable with the warmer temps they plummet back down again. It’s just torture and it really has a huge effect on my mood.
I already don’t want to do anything but lay under my heated blanket when it’s cold. All of the warm weather teasers lately have just made me even more vegetative because I get so depressed every time warmth disappears.
I have several spring/transition outfits planned out that I’ve been meaning to photograph on the weekends. I usually wear the outfit to work during the week and don’t get home in time to catch the light for photos. By the time a free weekend rolls around and I do have time for photos the temperature has dropped again and all of my outfit ideas get backlogged. It’s just a giant pile-up of tasks. Fortunately, now that daylight savings has passed I’ll have more light after work to just shoot an outfit the day I actually wear it and I’ll hopefully have a lovely weekend soon to shoot my backlog ideas.
Additionally, I already have a few different non-outfit posts filmed and photographed and I honestly just haven’t had the urge to open up my laptop at all. I know that I have all the tools to create a new post for the blog and yet I haven’t the faintest desire to functions once I get home after work. Some days I hope right in bed, light a candle, and just lay there.
I know it isn’t just the weather getting to me. I have constant on-going frustrations with my living arrangement. Also, even though I’ve thrown all my effort into my spending ban and know it’s for the best, it’s been driving me insane. Everywhere I look I see something fun and new that I just want to buy. Especially clothes. I absolutely love spring clothes. I just want to buy every sundress I see. Going from buying myself stuff every week to buying only food has really stabbed me in the heart. I;ve alway found joy in shopping and now I have to reconfigure my brain to find it in other parts of my life. It’s not an impossible task by any means – there are certainly other hobbies I love like cooking, baking, hiking, and writing here on the blog – it’s just going to take time to adjust to not having my number one favorite outlet of expression (shopping, of course) to lean on.
I guess the big giant conclusion I’m trying to come to here is that I simply haven’t felt like myself lately and I don’t want to put out anything that is fake or not me.