This is the last picture I posted on my Instagram feed before the world came to a screeching halt. I was soaking in and celebrating what I like to call “false spring.” False spring is the first few days of beautiful weather to crack through winter’s misery. Those few days are recharging, and rejuvenating, and most unfortunately fleeting. This year false spring came at nearly the exact same time as last year. It was comforting that even in a year filled with the most unexpected plot twists, we could still rely on false spring to remain consistent.
In the past year I’ve lost weight and gained weight. I’ve worked out everyday for a month and I’ve laid on the couch everyday for a month. I’ve made recipes from my favorite cook books for dinner and I’ve made chocolate shakes for dinner. I’ve worked from the dining room table, the couch, the kitchen counter, my desk in my office, my bed, and the outside on my deck. I’ve sent dozens of packages and received 3 times as many. I’ve watered the garden every day in the summer and hardly left the house at all in winter. I’ve danced and drank joyously on a Friday night and I’ve made myself literally sick watching the news of the world.
My world has become a bubble made of wood, nails, shingles, and siding. I don’t see anyone aside from my husband (and thank goodness I love that guy or this could have been a miserable year). I miss going out to eat with my friends, which I still won’t be doing once vaccinated but at least we can carryout food and have it together. I miss going to yardsales with my Mommom. I miss street festivals, museums, vacations, art expos, and browsing thrift shops.
I can’t wait to get my vaccine so I can finally feel a little more comfortable being out in public around people that I can’t interrogate on their hygiene and previous whereabouts. Many people, including my family and friends, have not being treating this pandemic with the severity that I think it should be handled with. Austin and I, especially because of his pre-existing conditions, have been so incredible strict with where we go and how we interact with the outside world. We’ve pretty much only been in public for the farmers market and groceries. I know some peoples’ occupations don’t allow them the privilege of being home all the time. That said I’ve seen so many people traveling, partying, and claiming they have “pods” but with co-mingled friend groups. I’m not surprised by society, but I’m definitely disappointed.
This past year’s experience has done nothing for my trust issues. I literally trust no one to be doing the right thing anymore (except Austin because obviously I shouldn’t be married to someone I don’t trust). I know that “right thing” will be defined differently by everyone. If everyone was doing the “right thing” by my standards we’d likely have the virus under control by now, so clearly this nation’s ideas on right and wrong are a far stretch from mine. That fact was evident long before this pandemic rolled along though. I know that humans are flawed creatures, but it really hits you just how many humans are completely ass backwards when a real catastrophe comes along.
The year hasn’t been all gloom and doom. I actually regularly work out not. And whenever I fall off the wagon with the habit I can get myself back on track pretty easily. I definitely credit working from home full time with me being able to integrate fitness into my life. We’ve also been able to make pretty great financial strides, which is an incredibly fortunate situation to be in when so many are jobless and struggling to get by. I’ve been able to spend so much time with our cat. That sounds small, but its been an absolute joy. I’ve been able to put a lot of energy into my Youtube channel. No one watches my videos but I love making them anyway. I would say the only thing that I haven’t managed to achieve in this time that I really wanted to was reading more often. It would seem that goal still eludes me.
As we head into spring in year 2 of The Rona, I’m remaining hopeful. I’m hoping enough people will vaccinate to create a heard immunity. I’m hopeful that I will some day sit in my favorite restaurant again (though it may take me a while to be fully comfortable with that). I hope to drink wine with friends on Summer nights. I hope to enjoy live entertainment again. But most of all I hope to leave this situation really appreciating all of these experiences.